My honest thoughts on Texas

Seoul, South Korea

I still remember the last few days of living in South Korea. I was 10 years old, who just simply loved living there. Even at that age, I "enjoyed" my life in South Korea, only because I had so much freedom. I was riding the mass transit by myself at that age, going to places after school with friends and not returning home until late in the evening, to which my parents did not say a single thing. In the states, one would burst out in rage at the thought of a 10 year old riding the subway, bus, taxi, or any public transit by himself/herself because of how dangerous such an act is. Kids can get kidnapped, raped, shot, stabbed, you name it. I am not saying that does not happen in South Korea (it certainly does happen), but it is significantly less likely to happen there than in the states. To begin with, no one has guns there, so that's already massively one-sided.

When I came to Arlington, Texas, that was the first thing I felt quite unique about the U.S. After school, it was home. Then it was back to school. Then home again. It was like this for the majority of days. I lost all the freedom I had in Korea and I remember thinking, "Wow life is truly shit here, and the ironic thing is that kids here my age won't ever realize this because this is all they will see growing up. They don't know a thing about better living." I still hold this thought to be true because this hasn't changed in 2022, unless you live in NYC or LA. Then it's a different story. Otherwise, it's all the same. It is extremely risky for kids to wander by themselves into any places because of just how prevalent crime can be here, especially with guns. One shot to your head and you are dead before the cops even hear about your case. Thus, kids here have no choice but to be chained by the never ending cycle of home-school-home-school. I especially hated this aspect, which is why I have consistently dreamed of going back to South Korea once I was able to make a living for myself.

Yeehaw

On the contrary, there were good things as well. In South Korea, there is simply just too much pressure on young people to simply follow the well-known, stereotypical Asian path of studying hard and getting into a good college to become doctors and lawyers. Parents throw in a huge amount of money to invest into their kids receiving secondary education after their school hours in the afternoon, taking away most of their free time. My parents thought ahead and decided that moving me and my sister to the U.S. would help us escape from such pressure of the Korean society. My parents' acumen turned out to be a superb decision overall, considering that I am now enrolled in a medical school near Houston, Texas, and my sister is going off to a college in New York.

Today, I am writing to reminisice my time of coming to the states for the first time, but I am also here to reflect on the distinctiveness I specifically felt about Texas compared to the other states. Not knowing better, I used to think Texas was the representation of the U.S., since it was the only state I had exposure. I assumed that other states will generally be more or less the same, with potentially subtle differences in food or cultures. However, I was more wrong than ever. Now that I have had my time at Emory University the last four years and have been more cultured through my experience in Atlanta, I can say that Texas is certainly not the best state that represents the U.S. Not only culturally, but also politically and socially, the vibes are different, and I have to say that I cannot imagine myself living here anymore after I finish medical school or residency programs.

One of the biggest things is racism. And I do not mean racism in terms of societal discrimination or any ostensibly showing prejudice that one usually thinks of when mentioning the term 'racism.' The discriminatory form of racism is not as common as the older times, nowadays usually making the headlines in newspapers or social media posts when spotted. I have mentioned this earlier in my other blog writings, but I am talking about the "subtle" racism that one feels as a person of minority. I have felt this especially more prevalent in the southern states, but even more in Texas than any other states I have visited. People simply move in cliques with little to no diversity within the groups. To be fair, this is quite ubiquitous across the U.S. with the people typically inclined towards the people of similar background/cultures. For instance, Asians are always together in most settings, moving collectively. So I should not generalize this aspect only to Texas, but Texas is just too centralized and focused on white people. It is not hard to notice this; one can simply turn on the news or tune in on current events and it is always about white people in Texas. White people gather with other white people, hunting ducks and riding horses on weekends, wearing cowboy boots essentially everywhere, hence the phrase, "shooting deer, drinking beer, and looking for queers." Even in relationships, some white girls only go for white guys who are 'cowboys' with mustaches and mullets. As a Korean, this was quite a culture shock and to this day, I have not seen something more cringe than this. I can go on and on about this, but the bottom line is: you typically do not see a New Yorker girl that specifically only goes for guys with mustaches and mullets wearing cowboy hats and blue jeans. And I have not seen this in Atlanta much either, although there are a few when you start going into some redneck country sides or counties.

I like to think that the U.S. is largely divided into North and South, with the South having more politically conservative views and the North having liberal views. My hot take, as controversial as it may sound, is that the South is simply not as educated as the North. The knowledge and cultural gap is just unspeakably huge between the two sides. The rich, white people of upper class in the South typically lean towards the Republican policies, to save income tax and the government essentially trying to take money from them. That is a logical decision which I respect and see nothing wrong with. I would do the same if I was making bank and wanted to save my money from being taken away as federal taxation. What is problematic is the other people in the South who AREN'T rich that simply supports and votes on conservative views just because they think that is the best for themselves, not knowing better in terms of knowledge and culture. These people are simply uneducated to the point where they do not realize that the overturning of Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision is heinous for women in the entire nation and banning abortion will certainly hinder and limit women's rights in the future. They do not realize that LGBTQ people will continuously be prejudiced in the future from the Republican party policies. And I mention this phenomenon because Texas is probably the most conservative state in the country. Some Texans just love to shoot themselves in the feet. Seeing all this, I cannot be more disappointed at the state. My lifelong dream is to live in the New York City and never come back to Texas.

And it seems like I hate on Texas for things that does not necessarily affect me, but I am not trying to speak on behalf of anyone else but myself. I would like to go back to the idea of racism to support my argument. Growing up in Texas, I have gone through lots of racism and I mean discriminatory racism in this case. I was told names and unpleasant comments about my accent, my name, and my culture. I was told to go back to my country, to eat dogs, and to try karate moves like Jackie Chan. There were too many times where I felt defeated in life, wanting to just go back to South Korea. I would often ask myself, "Is this kind of living really worth it?" I would have lesser of a status and perhaps less value as a person in South Korea, but would I not be more happy living there? Unfortunately, these were just thoughts. As much as I wanted to go back, I simply couldn't because it was too late to turn back. I also did not have enough money to support myself living in South Korea because I had nothing under my belt.

So what is the conclusion? I do not have a choice but to just accept the fact that I am fucked. Given that I will be staying in Texas due to my enrollment at a medical school here in Houston, I am fucked for at least the next four years. As long as I am in the state of Texas, I do not see myself growing or developing as a person. There is nothing to do here, no one to meet, and nothing new to inspire me to have some kind of an apotheosis. The stagnant living that this state provides is not enough to fulfill my hustling tendency that I need to motivate myself everyday and push forward to become a better person. When I think about this situation that I am in, I regret not doing better on the MCAT and having a better profile to get into medical schools that are up north like New York City, Chicago, Boston, LA, etc. I knew that I would be facing somewhat of a cultural disconnect once I come back to Texas after graduating college, but did not expect it to be this bad. I gave up on trying to enjoy life here; perhaps, this is going to be a wonderful setting for me to hone in on studying and get into a prestigious residency program that would land me somewhere in New York City in the near future.